“Starlight Takes On The Press”
As reported by: Phil Strawn of the Dead South News Service
Washington DC. Breaking News DSNS
White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany announced this morning that she now identifies as the Marvel Comics Super Hero, ” Starlight.”
Stepping to the podium dressed as the beautiful but deadly “Starlight,” she took questions from the press. Jake Tapper of CNN, being his usual disruptive self, continued asking the same rude question for over five minutes, constantly interrupting McEnany/Starlight. After three warnings to Tapper, McEnany/Starlight summoned her superpowers, turning Tapper into a block of ice. Huffington Post reporter Zena Ruffalo tried to move the frozen Tapper to a safe location, but he shattered into a million CNN ice cubes. Ruffalo violently confronted McEnany/Starlight about her actions and accused her of exposing the press to the COVID Virus. McEnany/Starlight remarked that “Superheros” don’t get sick,” and then, using her laser vision, melted Ruffalo into a glob of leftist goo. Housekeeping was notified to remove the Tapper ice cubes and the Ruffalo goo.
McEnany/Starlight ended the presser by asking, ” if anyone else would like their ass destroyed.”