More Wise-Ass News from the Cactus Patch

Old fart and extreme liberal has-been actor James Cromwell, best known for his role in the heartwarming farm movie “Babe,” has superglued himself to the serving counter at his favorite Starbucks. His reason for this stunt is to protest the cost and treatment of plants to obtain their vegan plant-based creamer.

“Power to the plants!”

” How dare they put those poor plants through the milking process, squeezing their poor little leaves while they scream in pain,” he yelled. There was no mention of what part of his body was glued, but let us hope it was his dried-up old bare ass. Also, most folks that saw the movie agreed the pig was a much better actor than Cromwell. “That’ll do, Pig.”

Mentally deficient Pelosi and her gang of diaper-wearing Grey Goose guzzling outlaws have passed a bill to send an additional 40 Billion dollars of our money to Ukraine. Hunter Biden will personally deliver the bag of cash. Also, attached to the bill written on a post-it-note, they approved a 21 percent pay raise for congressional staffers. These are the little shits that do nothing but run errands for our elite politicians.

” Oh Spalding my good boy, could you run to the liquor store and buy me a single malt 100 year-old case of scotch?”

Millions of illegal Mexicans are invading our country, bankrupting our social services and healthcare system while getting everything they could imagine for free. Our streets in liberal-run cities are full of homeless, drug-addicted people, many of them veterans and families. Throw away souls living in tents and crapping on our sidewalks. The US citizens get the shaft, the illegal river-wading criminals get the payday, and Ukraine gets 40 Billion in party-hearty money. Hunter will make sure there is 10 percent for the “Big Guy.”

” Don’t forget my ten percent. Is that Old Spice you’re wearing?”

We have a baby formula shortage because it’s being shipped to the south American countries instead of our supermarkets. So I look for the Cartels to start smuggling Similac instead of Fentanyl.

” What the Hell! Where is my Similac?”

Since the Biden administration agrees that it’s acceptable to publish the addresses of our Supreme Court judges so they can be harassed and threatened, how about old Mitch McConnell or one of his staffers, publish the addresses of all the Democratic leaders starting with Pelosi and Schumer. Let’s see how many young conservatives show up at their homes. Of course, our Republican leaders are too spineless for such chicanery; a bunch of pussies.

6 Replies to “More Wise-Ass News from the Cactus Patch”

  1. I read elsewhere that Cromwell glued his hands (otherwise known as dick-skinners) to the countertop. Makes you wonder, “How old is this guy? Five?” Does he know that in order to be a creamer, a product has to be cream? Plants masquerading as a milk products violate all kinds of federal laws. We’re talking some very serious violation of federal law — heck, maybe even the Constitution.

    A few winters ago, General Washington was encamped at Valley Forge. No one was really pleased with this decision — wintering, of all places, at Valley Forge. A bunch of people wanted to winter at Panama City Beach, Florida … but nooooo. So, there was a problem with desertions, and the officers brought the problem to General Washington, which I suppose was their way of rubbing it in the General’s face that he’d made a piss-poor decision. After his officers laid out the problem they asked him what he intended to do about it. General Washington said, “I fear we will not correct this problem until we first shoot one or two of them.” Indeed, a few were shot, and the desertions stopped immediately. And this is what we should do with members of Congress, too. Worst inflation ever, and we’re sending $40 billion to Ukraine. TABOB.

    Finally, do you want to fix the problem with idiot Presidents? Here’s what you do — Defund the Secret Service. Simple solutions for a simple America.

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