Seattle WA – October 11- As reported by Phil Strawn The Dead South News Service – picture courtesy of Ernie Kovacs
The Seattle Washington city council has placed an emergency order for 14,000 converted shipping containers to be used as “safe spaces” for their growing millennial population in the event that President Trump wins a second term. The tiny units, manufactured by Denver based “Hidey Hole Conversions” will be positioned around the areas frequented by millennial protesters.
Jim Box, CEO of Hidey Hole says the converted shipping containers are state of the art with Wi-Fi, a bathroom and a comfortable bed which includes a “heavy blanket.” Each unit will cost the city of Seattle approximately $ 4,000 US Dollars and will be delivered and in place by no later than November 1st, 2020.
In order to deter the homeless from moving into the “safe spaces,” a special patch will be required for millennial’s seeking refuge. The patches can be purchased at Starbucks for $10.00 or on Amazon.
Portland Oregon Superintendent of Schools, Hillary Khloe Octavio Sunbeam, said Monday in a news conference that the Common Core curriculum currently taught in all Portland public schools will be suspended immediately.
In place of traditional teaching methods that have been used for the past 100 plus years, millennial students will now be able to answer test questions based on their feelings at the time of the test. Homework will not be required in an effort to reduce the “triggering ” effect brought on by the stress of answering questions and actually using their brain for anything other than social media post.
History, English, and Mathematics are to be Google based. All answers will be available on-line.
Superintendent Sunbeam gave the press an example of the new teaching method. Using a ” presentation board of “no color” as to not offend children of color, she posed a typical math question that has been know to cause severe reactions in middle school students.
The sample test question is; ” If a group of rioters left city hall in Portland at 3 PM and walked at 5 miles per hour toward Seattle, and a caravan of migrants from Honduras crossed the Mexican border and walked at 3 miles per hour headed to the Texas border, how long would it take each group to reach their destination?”
Acceptable answers would be; ” I’m offended,” That’s a trigger word,” ” large groups scare me,” ” I need a latte,” ” I am afraid I might see a statue,” and “where-is my trophy.”
Dr. Seamus Scaramouche of the “Institute of Millenial Behavior” says, “most of these young people don’t need an education anymore. They get everything from their smartphones and social media.”
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