Posted on by Phil Strawn

Opinen’s And Duct Tape Around My Head


The NFL Has Lost What Credibility It Had

There she is, folks, standing with her girlie friends, cheering on her soon-to-be next breakup song inspiration: Travis Kelce, who doesn’t have a clue what he’s latched onto, but now that he has spent serious time with her, he’s fresh meat for the lithe blonde succubus. Who is it I’m taunting? Why it’s that semi-country music, man-hating gal, Saint Taylor Swift. I read on some sort of reliable website that there were ten- thousand of her “Swifty” lemmings praying and lighting religious candles outside the stadium in hopes of a miracle-induced glimpse of the Swift One as she and her entourage of movie brats left the venue. She brought in better ratings than the game, so you can bet that Jerry Jones is calling her for an appearance at his Dallas Plowboys game next week. If there are any more Taylor Swift sightings in the news, I may go into hibernation for the winter.

Chick Filet Is Costing Me A Butt-Load Of Money

Yesterday, while watching the tube, I enjoyed a chicken lettuce wrap from Chickie Filet. I bit down on the supposedly soft morsel and felt a piece of my proper back molar break off. After a visit with my dentist today, I will pay around two grand for a crown made from some new wonder material called Kryptontonium that will be good for at least a century. I asked my dentist why he couldn’t use the cheap stuff since my parking meter is about up. He said I’d have sound molars if I needed to eat in Heaven. He’s about half right.

Craftsman vs. Aftermarket Hardware

When I had my major back surgery over a year ago, my surgeon said he used only Craftsman tools and materials. I was comforted knowing that a brand that has been around for a hundred-plus years would be used on my spine. Screws, plates, cages, and other mysterious materials take to support my spine at L4 and L5. Good ole’ American-made stainless materials. Right? I hope my surgeon didn’t cheap out and use aftermarket materials, but how would I know? A few weeks ago, while attempting to catch a plane, I tripped on DFW’s uneven sidewalks and went down hard. I’m talking bone-jarring, falling like a tree hard. That, and another fall at the Houston airport and then a bone-jarring fishing trip in the Gulf, did my carcass in. Now my hardware has shifted, sprung a screw, or some other failure, and I am looking forward to another cut-and-paste spine surgery. I’m beginning to feel like Dr. Frankenstein’s creation. It’s only Monday, so I’ve got the rest of this week to see what else can go to hell.

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17 Replies to “Opinen’s And Duct Tape Around My Head”

  1. Boy can I relate to all that. Taylor Swift, man…loved your characterization of that. And I’ve got gut problems–probably have to have a colonoscopy and I have a tooth they say needs a root canal I’ve been putting off. Root canals are bad for you, so if I do it, I’ll have it pulled out and get a mouth guard so my teeth don’t move, it’s a back molar. All for the wonderful price of about $1500 or so…and what else is gonna need tuning up next…

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    1. It’s only Tuesday, the week is young, I’ll give an update on Saturday. I’ve gone 74 years without a colon pipe, so I think I’ll keep my streak going.

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  2. 1. There are no more professional sports. 2. Don’t blame Chick-fil-A. Blame the rock-eating chicken. 3. I got nothing but respect for a man who can tolerate so much pain and make light of it.

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  3. I agree with you about Swift Phil. I just don’t see the attraction to her and her music. Any guy that gets with her…better be prepared to get roasted in a song.

    Superman will be unable to save you with that Kryptontonium in you…

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  6. As you may recall, I spent a good deal of my life in Kansas City (basically from 1967 to 1995, minus one school year in France [1974-75], minus two school years in Tucson [1976-78], and another 18 months in France [1994-95] being a bum). Even after 28 years in Las Vegas, I still track the division standings of the KC Chiefs and Royals, and occasionally keep track of a (mostly football) game. Of course, we have the Las Vegas Raiders, so I also pay attention to them. And in a few years, the Oakland A’s will move here. … I’m not a fan of Taylor Swift, but I have seen her “…Ready for It?” video. Will the Travis Kelce – Taylor Swift “romance” endure? Hardly anyone thinks so. But I guess it’s “the talk of the nation”a these days.

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    1. Vegas!! I didn’t know that. I spent two years there in the early 90s building three car dealerships in Henderson. It took one visit to the strip and I knew it was not meant for me. Lost the farm at the Hard Rock Casino Hotel thing. Do you think that the Swift One uses Autotune when she talks??

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  7. Prollem I got with that ditz blonde is the looney tunes that idolize her. Whatta matter for their heads? Is Colonel Parker her manager? Am pleased to understand that you’ve identified what kind of music it is she’s attempting.

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  8. I have a 22-year-old truck purchased at Findlay Toyota in Henderson. I wonder if that’s one of the dealerships you helped build? I don’t know about speaking, but I’d bet a (Vegas) dollar that Taylor Swift uses Autotune when recording. By the way, I never gamble. My recreation of choice is hiking the desert that surrounds Las Vegas.

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    1. No, it was a Ford, Saturn and a Hummer dealerships. I assume they are still up and running. Yes, she uses autotune when she records and sings live, but does she use it when she talks, probably so.

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