Posted on by Phil Strawn

Things To Ponder Or Wonder


Smarter Than The Average Bear

Cute stories in the news always catch my attention, especially if they include animals. Black Bears are recently included because of their prowess in breaking and entering homes. One Bear broke into a residence, raided the freezer, found a Tupperware container of Lasanga, and prepared a meal for itself. It included a small side salad and French garlic bread. The owners of the home surprised the furry chef, and he fled. The owners said the Bear was quite good at preparing the meal but didn’t take the time to clean the kitchen. They named him “Yogi Bourdain.”

Another Black Bear was caught on camera raiding the Halloween candy dish. The homeowner said the beast took all the Hershey chocolate and left the Jolly Rancher. Guess it didn’t want to break a tooth.

A Swiftless Series

The Texas Rangers won their first World Series last night, and Taylor Swift was nowhere to be seen, and that’s a good thing. When her commercials air on the tube, I scramble for the remote so I can change the channel. I’m convinced she can’t speak without “Autotune.”

Sweet Tooth

This Halloween, I did not “trick or treat.” My wife MoMo confined me to the house after my last candy outing resulted in my arrest when I told the shocked parents handing out sweets that I “identified as a six-year-old.” I thought it was a great idea; the kids I hung out with loved my ploy.

“It’s Alive, Alive I Tell You!”

Not bad looking for putting it together at the last minute

Tomorrow morning at 7:10 AM, I will be laying on a cold stainless steel table receiving massive injections in my spine to stop the pain from “run-away” rebellious nerves” caused by “two world-class old man bouncing off the concrete falls.” I will be knocked out cold for this “procedure,” as my nurse wife likes to call it. The good doctor will use a Robot with a large syringe in each metal claw, directing the shot to the exact spot in my poor spine. I’m pretty darn sure the doctor, before I go to La La Land, will say, “This might hurt a tiny bit.” No shit.

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14 Replies to “Things To Ponder Or Wonder”

  1. I hope you are able to bear the pain and recover swiftly. I’m sorry you suffered such bigotry for your identity.

    Seriously, prayers going up for you, amigo.

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  4. Oh boy, let us know how you do tomorrow. Did you really Trick or Treat or are you just being funny? Not sure why you shouldn’t, though. I guess we can identify any way we want these days. I saw this one guy who is now a collie. Boy.

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    1. No, I’m busted. I did hand out loads of sweets and kept a few for myself. I wanted to go, but MoMo wouldn’t let me out of her sight, so giving it away was the best I could do. I saw the Collie guy, nice threads, but the guy needs therapy. Glad you believe.

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  6. (1) Some people are smarter than the average bear. But many are not. Those that are not usually end up working for the government.
    (2) Were there any batters who were walked to first base? And, if so, did the crowd shout, “Walker, Texas Ranger!”
    (3) Will the good doctor be playing the Bee Gees song, “Stayin’ Alive,” during the procedure?

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  7. I’ve had the procedure done twice. Each time, it was cold turkey. Afterwards. the shakey-handed body mechanic told me that if he has to do this again he wants me to sleep through it.

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