Posted on by Phil Strawn

Warnings From The Cactus Patch


Don’t Do It..Don’t Press That Cute Little Button With Your Mouse!”

Who wouldn’t want to see what an AI generated Barbie Doll for each state would look like..right? Well, I was on MSN, the evil 1984 computer software owned by “Steve Jobs rip-off-boy and Mail Order Doctor, Bill Gates, and the article was there with a cute picture of a Barbie doll. She was wearing a woodchopper shirt, staring all dead-eyed with that perky little nose and luxurious plastic hair, so I clicked the read. First Barbie for the state of Alabama popped up, a chirpy little southern belle, very racist in her frilly debutant outfit, holding a mint julep; I kept looking for “the help” doll that came with her. Cute, I wouldn’t buy it for my granddaughter, who never liked Barbie anyway; she was into the American Girl high-dollar dolls. Then I hit the continue button, “Bammo…. call 800 Microsoft, and all these scanning windows come up on my screen, ” your PC is infected with a Virus of lethal origin, your information will be lost in space and your laptop will melt into a puddle of plastic unless you call this number.” Lucky for me, I have a great anti-virus called Webroot, and that caught the little basement-dwelling culprits, likely some Chinese dudes living in Shang-Hi or Bali Hi, with their mothers serving them Fung Chow tea and eating fried bats with Raman noodles all day. This is the tech-savvy security checks that MSN gives its users. I’d be safer using Alta-Vista on a dial-up modem.

Her New Album Is Coming…

The Swift One, The Anoited Ambushiness Blond, The Long-Legged Succubus, so many names, so many men to write songs about. Now, poor Neanderthal raw meat-eating Kelce is her focus. His attack on his coach told Tay-Tay that she probably shouldn’t marry this Transformer, who has no control over his testosterone-fueled madness. So, in a secret recording studio, somewhere in deep Europe, the album has begun in secret. This signals the end of her partnership with the NFL unless she can steal Patrick Mahomes from Elle May. I know my post a few days ago said no more Taylor stuff, but this is just too good to pass up. Gimme a hall pass on this one.

Discover more from Notes From The Cactus Patch

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

6 Replies to “Warnings From The Cactus Patch”

    1. You’re a poet…and didn’t know it. ( Bob Dylan 1966 ) My sister and even Momo, my wife, had Barbies. I had plastic army men and a Roy Rogers stagecoach with a Pat Brady jeep as well as many dangerous weapons. I did burn up one of her Barbies in a firecracker extravaganza one July 4th. That resulted in a butt whooping with a sneaker. Our grandchildren saw the Barbie movie and it darn near ruined them.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. [Chuckle.] No. Wait. Shit. This is not humor, this is the real deal. Sad, sad, sad, sorry, sorry, sorry. [Chuckle again.] Hey, you, Espie, pay attention, the man makes a point. Several, matter of fact. Groundswell – let’s railroad his butt into a write-in campaign for CIC.

    Like

    1. I’m with you all the way. Now I’m afraid to click on anything, so click bait wont work on me. I saw a Swifter Barbie in Wallyworld. I guess she is officially big time now.

      Like

  3. Ok, so I read this post and “liked” it. Thought maybe I’d read a couple of your older posts. After two hours of staring at the iPad, my eyes are bleary, my funny bone is worn out, and this kid from Queens is now talking with a slight Texas drawl. My wife’s not going to understand.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ima thrilled you dug my stuff. Apologies for the discomfort, try some X-Ray Glasses instead of readers, they help. I’m always tickled when a new reader gets my off the nut humor. Tell the missus not to be to hard on you. I was in Queens once back in 1970, kinda liked the place, nice folks.

      Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.