Semi-Serious Advice for folks Who Don’t Live In Texas, But Wish They Did
I received a Buc-ee’s Post Card in the mail with the following question:
Question: Mr. Texan,
I recently bought some two-day deodorant pads at a truck stop outside of Waco, Texas. How can I keep these pads under my arms for 48 hours?
Signed, Kenworth B. Smelly
The Texan: Mr. Smelly, us’n Texans are known for our ingenuity. If it hadn’t been for bailing wire and duck tape, there wouldn’t be a ranch or a farm left in West Texas. My late grandpa’s tractor and Ford sedan were held together with bailing wire, as was his farmhouse, and that was before Duck Tape. My best buddy, Mooch, broke his leg while stepping into a Prairie Dog hole. He was out in the Chihuahuan Desert near Marfa with no cell service. He crawled to his truck, dragging his useless leg, found a roll of Duck Tape, wound it around the hurt leg, and got home. So, I know the stuff can perform miracles. Hold the pad in place with one hand, then take the roll of Duck Tape and wrap it around your shoulder and over the perfumigated pad, making sure it’s real tight. That should fix you up, and ignore the instructions; those things are good for at least a week if you don’t shower. Good luck, and keep in touch.
Discover more from Notes From The Cactus Patch
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Notes From The Cactus Patch 
Hmmm, might be useful for getting rid of unwanted hair as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, I believe it does that as well. If not, the Duck Tape will take care of that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know a veterinarian who is a real quack. He says duck tape should only be used to mend ducks who break their legs playing ice hockey in Minnesota. Everyone knows that ducks can break their legs playing ice hockey in other northern states as well!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Duck tape is good for everything. Back in my cattle ranching days I would sit on the back porch drinking coffee and watch the ducks try to land on the frozen pond. Great entertainment. I thought Ducks were smarter than that. I lived in MN for a while. It took years to warm up after I left.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great advice, Mr. Texan, but Mr. Smelly may want to consider forgoing the two day pads and just use the duct tape. That will stop any under arm sweat. 🙂
LikeLike
That’s a better idea! It also removes unwanted underarm hair.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Speaking of shoulders, has your surgery been scheduled?
LikeLike
Yes, it happens on April 30th. I will be gimped up for 8 weeks. No writing, no painting and no guitar playing. Momo might let me dictate some post while she types it in.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a long time to be out of commission. You better be nice to Momo or you might be tapping the old keyboard with a pencil between your teeth! Best wishes, Phil!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Please tell the Buccees postcard writer was from Oregon.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, he was.
LikeLiked by 1 person