Chapter 10. Wagons Ho To California: Grandmother Is Healed By Sister Aimee McPherson, And Carman Miranda Stops By


Sister Aimee McPherson

As the months stretched into years, the Strawn family flourished financially, finding their footing in California’s golden land. The prospect of permanence hung in the air, and the pull of Texas grew less each year. Johnny’s elder sister, Norma, had begged to remain with one of her aunts to complete her schooling, but destiny had other plans. Completing her education in Fort Worth, she succumbed to the barrage of pleading letters from her mother, who was convinced that her death was only weeks or hours away, but she would try to hold on until her daughter made it to California. Knowing Bertha’s love for drama, her aunts consoled Norma and thought it best that she travel to California and could return if needed. With a small amount of currency in her purse, she embarked on a westward journey with a family bound for Los Angeles, paying for a seat in their car.

After two years of absence from the fold, Norma returned to find her family ensnared in a web of not-so-well-hidden disillusionment. The initial euphoria of their reunion faded, exposing the harsh light of reality. Her father, now a manager, toiled away long hours with little time left for living, while Johnny when not in school, devoted all his time to the members of his string band, Blind Faith. Her mother’s dependence on medicinal elixirs was the worst of it.

Bertha, a dedicated aficionado of her restorative elixirs, consumed multiple weekly bottles. She has a friendly rapport with the local pharmacist, who considers her his best customer and gives her a discount. She would often be found at the kitchen table for most of the day, dosing her tonics and composing lengthy, nonsensical letters to her sisters. By this time, her siblings had come to understand that the words emanated from the pen of a medicinal lunatic. Norma and Johnny acknowledged the necessity of professional intervention for their mother, and, with assistance from Le Petite Fromage and Blind Jelly Roll, they formulated a plan for Bertha to undergo a holistic religious cure under the guidance of Sister Aimee McPherson.

On that Sunday, a vibrant sermon accompanied by half a dozen show tunes with a dazzling chorus line stirred the congregation as Sister Aimee made her return to the pulpit for three thunderous ovations. Following the service, Le Petite Fromage and Johnny, the fiddler, as he is now called, escorted Bertha to the orchestra dressing room, believing her holiness sought to personally meet her and perhaps bestow a signed copy of her latest literary work, “You Can’t Take It With You When You Go So Give It To Me.” Embracing Bertha warmly, Sister Aimee presented her with a signed book before guiding her to a crimson velvet settee that had previously served as Blind Jelly’s salvation vehicle. With hands upon Bertha’s head, she prayed for deliverance from the grip of elixirs and zealous missives to her siblings. Understanding she had been played by her blood kin, Bertha, teeth-gnashing and fist-squeezed white, surrendered and embraced the moment. The healing transpired in a mere ten minutes as Sister Aimee proudly proclaimed the departure of the demons, assuring that all would be splendid by supper time. As she departed the dressing room, a divine fragrance lingered in the air. Blind Jelly Roll spoke up, ” I smells me some Channel No. 1. ” Leave it to a blind bluesman with the senses of nine cats to figure it out.

With the spoke mended in the family wheel, taut and ready for the road, John Henry indulged the family, comprising of Le Petite and Blind Jelly Roll, to a Sunday supper at a restaurant. Their choice fell upon Treasure Island, a pseudo-swanky seafood establishment under the ownership of the actor Wallace Beery. The best restaurants were on the Sunset Boulevard, known as the Strip. The entrance was the front hull of a sailing schooner, complete with a mast and sail. Johnny noticed the address above the door: 77 Sunset Strip: that address would come up again a bit later. Bertha and Le Petite were giddy, anticipating the prospect of encountering Hollywood movie stars savoring fish and chips washed down with a dirty Martini.

While awaiting their meal, James Cagney and his raucous family were seated a few tables away. Clark Gable and Carman Miranda snuggled in a cozy booth, where they indulged in sips of Martini and beer. Le Petite and Bertha were in a state of apoplexy. Carman Miranda made her way to the lady’s room, passing their table. Pancho Villa sat upon Blind Jelly’s lap, nibbling on a saltine. As the movie star strolled by, she took notice of Pancho and remarked on the adorable little doggie. When she reached out to pet Pancho, she received a vicious bite that tore off the long middle fingernail from her left hand’s digit. Stunned by the sudden attack, she yelled, “Get that little demon dog out of here!” Pancho and Blind Jelly concluded their meal in the comfort of Strawn’s car.

If you missed Chapter 9, click the link below for more amusement.

Stand By For News! And Other Commentary From Texas


I’m so nervous I started smoking again…

Warning! Dear Hearts, the following commentary on social issues is not politically correct in any way. If you are triggered by common words in the English language or by religion and free political speech in the form of comedy, then don’t read any further. I’m warning you one more time.

I attended Momo’s Melody Belle’s choir concert this evening at the Langdon Center in old town Granbury. For a bunch of old gals, they sang well, doing Broadway hits from the 40-50s. I was impressed.

When leaving, the pianist approached me on the front steps and asked me if she could ask a personal question. I said sure, shoot. She says, ” You look like such a free spirit. Are you a Democrat? I said no, and then she told me that she was the chairwoman for the Granbury Democratic Party and asked if I was voting for Trump. I answered yes, and then Momo showed up, and the lady asked her the same. Momo has become a nervous filly lately, and folks should know that the wrong questions are likely to get the wrong answer. I’m the same but with a touch more diplomacy. The encounter did not end well for the pianist.

Free Spirited Momo at The Opera House. She has a 380 Smith & Wesson in that purse

If you have read this far, it’s too late.

A free spirit..now, what does that mean? Maybe because my hair is pretty long, and the mustache makes me look like Wild Bill Cody, or perhaps The Dude, without the bathrobe. The Democrat lady assumed I was an old liberal, burned-out Hippie. Nope, only an old, weird-looking, slightly burned-out ex-rock n-roll musician, conservative. You can’t always go on looks alone: same thing my sixteen-year-old self used to tell my parents.

Old Free Spirit Me at the Opera House. That cane is really a sword and a flame thrower

On another subject dear to my heart: Biden awarded Nancy Pelosi the Medal of Freedom for her courageous behavior on Jan. 6. That’s sort of like making Hitler an honorary Rabbi for his outstanding management of Auschwitz. Old Sniffer has been awfully quiet the past few weeks. Those rioters and anarchists are his voting block, so he has to mollify the little everyone gets a trophy, darlings.

Kudos and salutations to the fraternity young men at UNC and a few other universities for taking it upon themselves to protect our flag. The little candy assed Hamas loving, mask-wearing, latte-drinking, vegan-eating, Birkenstock-wearing, head-scarf-wearing, trans-loving, tongue-pierced, devil-worshiping, police-hating, America-hating grifters were freaked out when young American males told them if they touched the flag, they were dead little Gazaians. We need more of that from the rest of the schools that have been hijacked by socialist teachers and students. A word to the tenured commie professors, ” Don’t mess with Gods chosen people, the Jews. He’s kind of touchy about that.”

The Obama/Biden bunch is trying to pass a sneaky law to allow over a million Gaza refugees into the US. I ask, “Now what in the hell could possibly go wrong with that scenario?” Little terrorist kids in our elementary schools wearing C4 explosive belts. Hamas gunmen rampaging through Walmart? Oh wait…we already know what can go wrong thanks to our open border. This may sound a little over the top, but if these folks come here, it’s likely to happen. But will they be able to vote? Of course, they will.