Tag: Taylor Swift

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Things To Ponder Or Wonder


Smarter Than The Average Bear

Cute stories in the news always catch my attention, especially if they include animals. Black Bears are recently included because of their prowess in breaking and entering homes. One Bear broke into a residence, raided the freezer, found a Tupperware container of Lasanga, and prepared a meal for itself. It included a small side salad and French garlic bread. The owners of the home surprised the furry chef, and he fled. The owners said the Bear was quite good at preparing the meal but didn’t take the time to clean the kitchen. They named him “Yogi Bourdain.”

Another Black Bear was caught on camera raiding the Halloween candy dish. The homeowner said the beast took all the Hershey chocolate and left the Jolly Rancher. Guess it didn’t want to break a tooth.

A Swiftless Series

The Texas Rangers won their first World Series last night, and Taylor Swift was nowhere to be seen, and that’s a good thing. When her commercials air on the tube, I scramble for the remote so I can change the channel. I’m convinced she can’t speak without “Autotune.”

Sweet Tooth

This Halloween, I did not “trick or treat.” My wife MoMo confined me to the house after my last candy outing resulted in my arrest when I told the shocked parents handing out sweets that I “identified as a six-year-old.” I thought it was a great idea; the kids I hung out with loved my ploy.

“It’s Alive, Alive I Tell You!”

Not bad looking for putting it together at the last minute

Tomorrow morning at 7:10 AM, I will be laying on a cold stainless steel table receiving massive injections in my spine to stop the pain from “run-away” rebellious nerves” caused by “two world-class old man bouncing off the concrete falls.” I will be knocked out cold for this “procedure,” as my nurse wife likes to call it. The good doctor will use a Robot with a large syringe in each metal claw, directing the shot to the exact spot in my poor spine. I’m pretty darn sure the doctor, before I go to La La Land, will say, “This might hurt a tiny bit.” No shit.

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Tuesday, October 3rd Update On The Future Saint Swift


Not In My Lifetime, Kiddo!

The Question Everyone Wants To Know…

Doe’s Taylor Swift use Autotune when she talks?

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Opinen’s And Duct Tape Around My Head


The NFL Has Lost What Credibility It Had

There she is, folks, standing with her girlie friends, cheering on her soon-to-be next breakup song inspiration: Travis Kelce, who doesn’t have a clue what he’s latched onto, but now that he has spent serious time with her, he’s fresh meat for the lithe blonde succubus. Who is it I’m taunting? Why it’s that semi-country music, man-hating gal, Saint Taylor Swift. I read on some sort of reliable website that there were ten- thousand of her “Swifty” lemmings praying and lighting religious candles outside the stadium in hopes of a miracle-induced glimpse of the Swift One as she and her entourage of movie brats left the venue. She brought in better ratings than the game, so you can bet that Jerry Jones is calling her for an appearance at his Dallas Plowboys game next week. If there are any more Taylor Swift sightings in the news, I may go into hibernation for the winter.

Chick Filet Is Costing Me A Butt-Load Of Money

Yesterday, while watching the tube, I enjoyed a chicken lettuce wrap from Chickie Filet. I bit down on the supposedly soft morsel and felt a piece of my proper back molar break off. After a visit with my dentist today, I will pay around two grand for a crown made from some new wonder material called Kryptontonium that will be good for at least a century. I asked my dentist why he couldn’t use the cheap stuff since my parking meter is about up. He said I’d have sound molars if I needed to eat in Heaven. He’s about half right.

Craftsman vs. Aftermarket Hardware

When I had my major back surgery over a year ago, my surgeon said he used only Craftsman tools and materials. I was comforted knowing that a brand that has been around for a hundred-plus years would be used on my spine. Screws, plates, cages, and other mysterious materials take to support my spine at L4 and L5. Good ole’ American-made stainless materials. Right? I hope my surgeon didn’t cheap out and use aftermarket materials, but how would I know? A few weeks ago, while attempting to catch a plane, I tripped on DFW’s uneven sidewalks and went down hard. I’m talking bone-jarring, falling like a tree hard. That, and another fall at the Houston airport and then a bone-jarring fishing trip in the Gulf, did my carcass in. Now my hardware has shifted, sprung a screw, or some other failure, and I am looking forward to another cut-and-paste spine surgery. I’m beginning to feel like Dr. Frankenstein’s creation. It’s only Monday, so I’ve got the rest of this week to see what else can go to hell.