Posted on by Phil Strawn

Deep Thoughts From The Cactus Patch


Something to ponder: how did the Kardashians wish their father a happy Mother’s Day? It must have been uncomfortable.

How often does Doctor Jill check the president’s diaper?

Momo and I are going to Colorado Springs next week to see family, and she is selling her custom purses in a craft show over Memorial Day on top of Pikes Peak. The problem is that she is afraid of heights and mountains, so I will have to knock her out with a pill, drive her up to the top, and then give her another pill to wake her up. Then, repeat the process to take her back down. Hope she sells some purses in between.

It’s been a rainy week in the Cactus Patch garden. My plants are now at the “Plantzilla” stage and need trimming. Things are improving; I was stung by bitchy little bees twice and bitten by spiders of an unknown origin a few times. Now, I’m waiting for a snake bite to complete the circle. Just part of gardening in the Texas countryside.

The bird-feeding area is now a combat zone. Two flat feeders and a plastic rooftop one, and yet they fight over seeds. The Doves used to be the bully-birds, but now the Crows have claimed that title, pushing everyone around. Now, there are two Squirrels, likely siblings, that visit and eat the Peanuts that the Crows and Bluejays love and the Crows attack the Squirrels, who in turn flip the feeders and scatter the food on the gravel. The poor Cardinals and the other species sit in the trees and watch the battles. No one is starving yet, but with food as costly as a car payment, they soon may be eating bugs and wooly worms, which have invaded my landscape by the hundreds. I may catch a jar full of them and dump their wooly little selves into the bird feeders. Much healthier than all those sunflower seeds.

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12 Replies to “Deep Thoughts From The Cactus Patch”

  1. Mother’s Day.  Back in the days when I was a gunnery sergeant, I used to get Mother’s Day cards from the troops.  Nice of ‘em, I thought.  I increased the P.T. schedule accordingly, of course.  By the time I went to OCS, we were running 9 miles a day. 

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  3. (1) Instead of knocking Momo out, just tell her to close her eyes. “And remember, don’t peek! Don’t!” (As Biden has shown everyone, uttering the prohibitive word “Don’t!” works really well.)
    (2) Bees, spiders, and snakes are deep state critters. When it comes to your garden variety conservatives who wish to do good, they collude with each other to organize and execute a sting operation.
    (3) Bird-feeding is a combat zone? Wait till China sabotages our food supply chain. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

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      1. At least the road has improved since the mid-70’s. I remember my ex driving up that road. It was treated like a two-lane but it closely resembled the Ortega Highway in So Cal. (No bumper fences on the way up or down. Driver said there used to be some, but they kept getting knocked down, so the highway department quit chasing a losing proposition. Oh, and bikers found it to be a great place to trudge up a hill at 2, or less, mph.)

        The only other scary highway was the road that carried eager tourists like me up to Hitler’s Eagles Nest. I couldn’t even see the edge of the road as I looked down from my seat. I just knew it was to be the end of me, but those drivers were pretty confident.

        Tell Momo she should be happy she’s not riding on any of those 3!

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  4. Trade you – one squirrel for two rabbits. I can trap the squirrels, they’re (like humans) greedy &^%*&^%s that always poke their nose where they’ve no business looking for something for free. Don’t even have to bait the trap. Rabbits? Another story.

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    1. My family of Squirrels are the greediest I’ve seen. Mother and two siblings working as a team to clean out all the feeders in one visit. I’m thinking a rubber snake or something to deter them, but then the Roadrunner would go after the fake snake. Maybe a SuperSoaker water cannon? My Rabbits are pretty congenial most of the time.

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      1. I had to buy the kind of feeders that when the squirrels jump on the little ladder, it pushes the feeder down and blocks the hole where the squirrel would stick his little head in. The birds were too light to trigger it, but the squirrels were just heavy enough. I swear I could hear the birds laughing every time the bushy tails fell off.

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    1. Nancy, she is looking forward to the show. This morning at the feeder was the pinnacle of animal ferocity. Avian vs Tree Rats, and the birds appear, for now to have won out, sending the Rats with an attitude scampering for the big trees. I plan to start pruning tomorrow before Mothera shows up.

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  6. Did you say all the way to the top? Last time I was there (via cog train) I could barely breath after 30 minutes so I took the next cog down.
    Good luck!!!
    I wondered how the Obamas handle Mother’s Day?

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