A brand-spankin-new series for folks that want to know what a Texan thinks
Mr. Bromide S. Eltzer from Arizona sent me an email.
Q: Mr. Texan, my wife and little girl have taken over my stereo Hi-Fi setup. They play the same Taylor Swift album all day long and it’s driving me to drink, and I’m losing my faith in humanity. Do you have any thoughts on how to handle this situation?
Texan: First off, Mr. Bromide, Taylor Swift’s music is not real music; it’s a cartoon soundtrack. I can see your little one getting hooked on this nonsense, but your wife is another can of fishing worms. Are you drinking beer or whiskey? The quality of hooch does make a difference in how this stuff effects you. I prefer Redneck Riviera Whiskey out of Nashville, give that a try. Go find some good vinyl records by Creedence, Patsy Cline, Merle Haggard or Johnny Cash, and when they’re not hogging your turntable, tie them up with some good rope from the Home Depot, and make them listen to some real music. If that don’t work, invest in a nice Bass boat and start spending time on the lake or river. If that doesn’t restore your faith, say a prayer to Saint Willie, and eat three Whataburgers, my son.
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Notes From The Cactus Patch 
Surely, Mr. Texas, you have a PhD in Mental Health Counseling. The Whataburger treatment plan as a last resort was genius. 🙂
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Thank you, Nancy. I can vouche for the cure, used it many times.
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Sound advice. 😏
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Very good advice, but who in tarnation is Saint Willie? Never mind. Don’t answer that.
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Here in Texas, Willie Nelson has always been considered for sainthood. Saint Willie and three Whataburgers will cure anything.
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LOL! That makes perfect sense!! 🙂
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Be sure to eat all three Whataburgers in one sitting, with plenty of fries and a Dr. Pepper milkshake, with any and/or all Willie Nelson recordings playing continuously if you cannot get him to come join you in person.
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It works. I’ve done the cure. Willie is still being considered for sainthood, and now they threw old Waylon in the mix.
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If I have a bass boat, am I limited to only fishing for bass?
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Certainly not. In South Texas, we have plenty of gators and giant Catfish that are good eating.
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