The heart monitor returned to the Cardiologist, leaving me with a week to ponder the worst. Momo, my wife, the former Cath-lab heart nurse, was as worried as I was. She said that if the doctor had found anything unusual on the monitor, he would have called with the bad news. That somewhat calmed me down. Janice Joplin was waiting in the wings.
Dr. Squatch, my Cardiologist, is somewhat of a comedian and should be on stage in his spare time. He enters the room like Kramer on the Seinfeld show, bursting through the door in a whirl of energy. Momo and I had been sitting and waiting for an hour and were half asleep.
“Here’s the good news,” he says. ” You have about forty percent blockage, and for a guy your age, that’s not too bad, but plaque will be plaque, and a piece could break away and travel a bit and give you a massive heart attack or a dandy of a stroke. The bad news is that with your family history of heart problems, you are a good candidate for La La Land. Enjoy your bourbon while you can.” I certainly will. It looks like old, ghostly Janice Joplin will have to wait a bit longer.
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Notes From The Cactus Patch 
Looks like you’re going to have to lay off the Whataburgers and eat more like that rabbit that smokes. I’m happy your test results are something you can be proactive about. Take care, Phil. 🙂
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I love Whataburgers, but Momo and I don’t eat them often. We eat as healthily as we can, which in turn makes us cook fresh, healthy food. That rabbit stopped smoking years ago; it’s an old picture.
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Yikes! At least you have a cardiologist. Ours went MIA several months ago and we have no idea if he’ll be returning. No kidding. Good thing we only see him for check ups and the occasional stress test. Maybe the stress got to him and he bailed. If he ever resurfaces, he and your doc can do a comedy magic act together.
Good luck, Phil!
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My doctor is a good one, he tells it plain and doesn’t put sprinkles on it. He is a funny guy.
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As soon as I saw that pic of Janis, her “Piece of my Heart” with Big Bro and Holding Co. came to mind … before I read a single word of your piece.
Are you a candidate for stents or a bypass, Phil?
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Not yet, per Dr. Squatch, and hopefully not in the future.
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Glad you got a good report. Keep those pipes clear; bypassing them costs a lot of money.
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Yeah, Bob, we eat so healthy Martha Stewart wouldn’t even dine at our house.
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I was a cardiologist for a number of years. But I finally quit dealing Mini Baccarat, Blackjack, Caribbean Stud, and Three Card Poker. My heart just wasn’t in it anymore.
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I get your heart wasn’t in it. I didn’t know that about you. Momo, my wife and former cath lab nurse, says most of the ones she worked with in the cath lab had an odd but amusing sense of humor.
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My grandmother lived to 98 years old. My grandfather only reached 54, but that was because he was hit by a car, so that doesn’t count. Of course, he staggered in front of it. However, my grandfather’s twin lived to be 99. Both of my parents passed early. It was a lifestyle thing, and my inheritance was a long list of things to avoid. The truth is, we all have a shelf life, and I remember my grandmother telling me very clearly, “Longevity is overrated.” She would have made a great morale officer in the Army.
Anyway, with only a limited number of heartbeats left, I’ve done my best to live healthily. I gave up running because that stuff can kill you. Just look at what happened to Jim Fixx. Now I take it one day at a time, count my blessings, love my wife a bunch, and walk beside her everywhere we go. I still enjoy an occasional hamburger and some ice cream, and I’ve discovered that beer encompasses the three main food groups: hops, barley, and malt. Once in a while, I’ll enjoy a single malt scotch. I see no reason to cut any of that stuff out for artichoke hearts. And besides all that, when we finally do check out, we’re giving someone else a chance to feed at the trough.
When I get where I’m going, I hope I can meet the Lord with a smile, not a worried frown. Then, I might start running again.
My best to you, Phil, and your lovely bride …
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Thank you, Mustang. I like your sense of humor and how you described your extended family. I inherited some pesky stuff from my fathers side, all having to do with the ticker, so I’m happy to have made it this far. My doc asked me if I drank, I said hell yes, I love a good Tennessee whiskey in the evening, one or two of them, and in the summer a few beers. like Rodney Crowell says in his latest song, It Ain’t Over Yet, ” one more cigarette ain’t gonna send you to your grave.” I don’t smoke so I get the irony of the lyric. The best wishes back at you. Keep in touch.
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I understand. In early September I was in ICU for congestive heart failure. Retired nurse Dodie has been on the case making healthy meals & I’ve lost 32 ilbs so far. Walking more. Feel better. We are taking an Amtrak train to Arizona in a couple of weeks and I’m thankful I don’t have to drive.
Hope the best for you. These are surreal times.
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Well, that is quite an acomplishment. It’s all about what we eat, and that’s what makes it tough. Walking away from a Whataburger is misery, but I do it anyway. We’ve been discussing a train trip out of Fort Worth to somewhere west. Beats flying and driving. Being married to a nurse is a good thing for us old guys. Best wishes for good health. Note: I read this morning that a sixty-five year old guy fell off the south rim of the Grand Canyon. He was a bit to close and slipped on the gravel, so be careful. We don’t have the balance we once did.
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Eat healthfully, exercise moderately, and have fun!
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The only exercise I get is yard work, but I do push myself. I have a bum right leg and foot thanks to a back surgery gone wrong, and I walk like Frankenstein, so that is out, but I do eat healthy and have a few whiskeys in the evening. Got to have one vice.
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He does have a sense of humor doesn’t he? Well I’m glad it’s not needing immediate action. Sounds like you are doing all you can to avoid Janis which is a great thing. Although I would love to meet her…but way way way into the future.
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Makes me wonder if she is playing in any Praise Bands up there??
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I hope so…she seemed to have a good heart unless your name was Jim Morrison.
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Before she got mixed up with those folks in San Francisco, she was a good Baptist girl singing folk songs and squeezing pimples. She didn’t care for Lizard King in the least. I met her once and chatted (rapping… in 1960s language), and she seemed pretty nice. Seems like everyone who left their home state and went to CA turned into some form or another of Morrison. I almost did, but relented at the last moment, and I’m glad I did. My cousin, Cookie, long gone now, stayed much too long and got totally burned out.
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Thats right….i remember that. You told me about meeting her at that festival…what a cool deal Phil. I can’t imagine…you said she was tiny.
Yea I’m glad you didn’t go… so many people were ruined there…hippies and musicians…and I would imagine actors/actresses.
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ease up. Phil but enjoy the good life; and don’t forget: laugh. A LOT !!
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Scary stuff. My first cardiologist appointment was 30 or so years ago. I have suffered from fainting spells all my life. One time I fainted while at Cedars Sinai Medical Hospital. The doc diagnosed it was atrial fibrillation. I think both he and I are amazed we have maintained the doctor patient relationship for all this time but I like him.
You’ll get no recommendations from me about what to eat and such. Because of the atrial fibrillation, I was on blood thinners for years. About ten years ago the doc mentioned a procedure called a Watchman. That I will highly recommend.
I dunno why, but when the diagnosis for Non Hodgkins Lymphoma came in a few years ago it wasn’t a big deal. I take my Imbruvica and it isn’t growing.
I have survived my blood family, all of whom smoked and gave it up to lung cancer. I don’t smoke. Could never stand the taste of the stuff.
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Yep, my family history is littered with uh-ohs! They all smoked like a campfire and drank anything that wouldn’t kill them immediately. I like my cardiologist, he’s East Indian, but born in Texas, wears Justin boots, and knows some good zingers, which he uses on me. I think he read my blog. Momo, my wife, was a cardiac nurse in the Cath lab for decades, so she knows all the signs and lingo, and watches after me. I also had and beat cancer about six years ago, so I didn’t let the extended family curse get me.
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