Month: April 2026

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Easter Services In The Cactus Patch


For the third year in a row, Reverend Little gave his annual Easter Service in the cactus Patch. Attendence was down this year because of a massive invasion of Fire Ants, and the local Crow flock has discovered they adore those sweet marshmallow Peeps, so it was a shorter service than the last two by an hour. The congregation was carried away within thirty minutes, and Reverend Little’s wind-up spring broke. The message was good: the sky is not falling, although in parts of the Middle East it appears to be so; here in Texas, only hail, which hasn’t turned to fire yet. There were no Baptisms this year because the Peeps dissolve at an alarming rate when exposed to liquid of any kind: water, Cokes, saliva, Kool Aid; it’s all “I’m melting to them.” May you all have a blessed Easter, and give a real heartfelt thought about why we celebrate this Holy Day. I’ve yet to see a real Rabbit delivering eggs, although I did see one eat a Reese’s peanut butter one a few years back.

The Rabbit right after he ate the Reese’s Egg

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Ask A Texan: Selling Body Parts Is Quite Profitable…


Drug and Age Induced Advice For Seniors Over 75

I’m turning 77 in a few months, and the only object made from fine wood that I want is a Gibson F5 G Mandolin. Banjo Ben in Mo. has a used one for 4900. bucks. I’ve contacted The Southwestern Medical Center about selling a kidney ( I only need one to pee), maybe a pinky toe, and both testicles, but no response just yet. My son is checking into a clinic in Martamoras, Mexico, that is willing to give me a nice sum for all usable parts, so I can purchase the instrument. I don’t need balls, a pinky toe, or two kidneys to play, so it may work out. I’ll keep you all informed on the negotiations, though my Spanish is limited to “more chips and salsa.” Pronto. How many testicles does a man really need?

This sounds very inappropriate, so sorry.

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Ask A Texan: Who Is This Rich Entitled Hypocrite They Call The Boss?


Unsolicited, Unfiltered, Demented Advice That Will Likely Offend Everyone That Still Remembers How to Read And Comprehend Directions On Putting Together a Piece Of Cheap Assed Made In China Furniture. Momo And I Did It A Few Days Ago And Likely Had a TIA or A Brain Hemorrhage….

The Texan

Straight up, I never cared for Springsteen, the little punk-assed in his jeans and white tee shirt touting ” Born in the USA. Well, he may have been hatched here, but he ain’t an American, at least not by Texas standards. The guy looks like an 85-year-old Lesbian Megan Rapinoe, holding a Fender Telecaster with The Roy Clark beginner stickers on the fretboard so he can remember the chords to Born To Run. Likely craps his diaper too. When I was a smart-mouthed kid, I would tell my mother, “You ain’t the boss of me.” Well, yes, she was, and that Tupperware cake pan would leave an imprint on my butt for a week or so. So, exactly is Brucie the boss of? His wife Pattie? Little Stevie? The roadies or the dudes that carry him on stage and operate the auto-tune machine loop?

His latest concert was a three-hour Bidenesque Rant about Trump, which highlighted that talent, which was always minimal, has taken the off-ramp to the nursing home in South Jersey. For those of you who care to contribute, let me know who the guy bosses around.