Ask A Texan: Did We Think This Would Not Happen? Welcome To Never..Never Land And Do You Want Peter Pan With Welches Jelly On That Sandwich?


Loosely Dispensed Common Sense Advice And Commentary Shot From The Well Armed Hip Of A Old Texan That’s Seen Too Much And Doesn’t Give A Rats Ass What Other Folks Think, Or Eat

The Texan

It took Forty-Eight Years for the Death to America and the Great Satan Party to take over the Middle East, like those morally depraved little shits took over Daytona Beach a few days ago and literally ruined the once nice state of Florida. Iran’s murdering demon-possessed regime robe-wearing ass is kicked so hard their butt is in their throat, but yet they keep issuing threats, shooting off those cute little Chinese and Russian missiles, and now claim they will nuke Israel, the UK, most of Europe, a good portion of the Middle East, and of course, America. I am anxiously awaiting what Elon Musk has in store for them. How many presidents in 48 years said they would be a problem to be dealt with, but kicked that Wolf Brand Chili can on down the dirt road for the next delegation of thieving, lying, scum-sucking politicians to deal with. FDR, the two Bushes, one fully grown to size of a Scotch Pine Christmas Tree, and the other a puny shrub planted in too much shade, gave a half baked attempt, Regan got a few things done, Carter made everything worse, Ross Perot ran scared and said screw it, Clinton took the white house to a new low in history, Nixon..nuff said about him, Obama gave his magic carpet riding bunch of cut -throat brethren billions in cash, and Biden tried to take most of it back.

Truman had the balls to use the big firecrackers, Churchill had the guts, and a country full of English, Scottish, Irish, and Celtic patriots behind him, and Margaret Thatcher was likely the toughest of them all. Now we have a president who clearly sees this must be dealt with, or Jesus will be coming within the next six weeks, and he will be plenty pissed off upon arrival.

Momo and I are not afraid of the nuke over downtown Fort Worth, we would sit in our backyard with a nice whiskey and put on the Solar sunglasses we purchased at 7-11 as our bodies are char-broiled to Texas BBQ perfection. I recently purchased some 6666 BBQ Rub from Taylor Sheridan’s Ranch in West Texas.

I’ve become testier in my old age. The IRS has been holding our 2024 tax refund for a year now because we overpaid them, and they can’t bring themselves to give it back to us, saying we committed fraud. Fraud against whom, ourselves? I hate every politician on all sides. You bet if I could pull it off, I would jump at a $185K a year job and leave a few years later having accomplished nothing and pull a wagon load of 30 Million to the bank, that’s the real reason these narcissistic bottom dwellers run for office and try and stay in as long as modern medicine can keep replacing their bodily parts. Greed and Power, once that rhinestone-encrusted crown is put upon their head, it’s almost impossible to relinquish it to another greedy bandit: one size fits all. God has a plan for them, and I hope I get to witness their time out and try to bullshit God, who my pastor says has a good sense of humor and won’t be afraid to use it.

The US has more oil than the Middle East times ten, so these high gas prices are driven by the stock market and speculators, denizens from the depths, and yes, Quint will need a bigger boat to land those bastards. Enjoy that PB&J sandwich and that glass of Jim Beam. Sorry about all the swear words in this post, I told you I was getting testier and meaner these days.

Music, Worship And War: Ask A Texan


The Texan on his first typewriter that took two adults and a child to lift….Note the resemblance to Earnest Hemingway

Down Home Often Correct Advice And Old School Teachings For Folks That Live In Other States And Want To Move Here…Please Don’t. We Already Have Too Many Californians and New Yorkers, and There Is No Parking Left at Walmart or H.E.B.

After a rousing set of worship songs yesterday at our Generations Church, myself on my little mandolin, Eric on bass, Momo singing with Isabella and Ester vocals and acoustic guitar, Larry on Sax and Clarinet, Sandy on Cello, Ephraim on drums, and his daughter Victoria on keys, Monday morning is always a let down, coming off of a great set of worship music and Pastor Alan lighting up the church, like a Texas A&M bonfire, plus the spaghetti lunch and bake sale for the youth. I’m plum wore out and already need another nap.

Then I turn on the news, and reality hits me in the face like a Soupy Sales cream pie distributed by White Fang or Black Tooth. For those too young for real comedy, Soupy had a live TV show back in the early 1960s that actually was funny and made us laugh, much like the Three Stooges poking each other in the eyes. I almost blinded my best buddy, not knowing that Moe poked Curley in the forehead, not his real eyes. I am still amazed I made it to this age without being disabled or permanently disfigured. Momo says I still have time left to accomplish both.

World War 3 is in full swing and living color, minute-by-minute coverage of what Iran is planning for Israel and the rest of the Middle East, not to mention the good old USA, which is just a short missile hop from Tehran. Does the current Ayatollah think that he is safe from a smart drone missile that has more brain power than his entire staff of twelfth-century Zealots?

Maya Sharona, the on-site news person for NPR, was interviewing Iranians on the street. One group of young women was without their head-to-toe tents with eye holes, long hair flowing, full face makeup, smoking cigarettes, drinking a beer, and cursing the current regime. Ms. Sharona asked one of them whether they were excited that the current Ayatollah was on the run and that Iran might be free again. The young lady replied, ” We are ecstatic that we may return to the 70s again, we all have our Sony Walkmans and bell-bottom jeans ready, and Jane Fonda workout tapes are on sale at the bookstore, and oh yes, Death To America, but we really don’t mean that, it’s what we were taught to yell in school. God bless the USA and Sydney Sweeney. “

There is an old Texas saying that I still use to this day: “Hide and Watch.” Which, according to my late, late, late, and wizened old grandfather, meant hide behind a rock or a wagon and watch what happens when a few cowboys or a group of Indians on ponies try to attack a bunch of pioneers armed with Winchester repeating rifles. Sometimes it’s just best to peek over the edge of the rock and wait for the results before you get involved in the fray. I’ve got the Winchester and the pistols, and there are a lot of rocks around my hilly, rocky mountain home, so Momo has the Jiffy Pop ready, and we are stocked up on Dr. Peppers. Stay tuned, and Paul Harvey used to say, “Good day.”

Nostalgia for 50s Texas: Memories of Fort Worth


I’m a 50s kid. That means I was born in 1949 at Saint Josephs Hospital in Fort Worth, Texas, and grew up in the lean and mean Eisenhower years. My hometown was different back then, as most of our hometowns are today. But, change is inevitable, and it happens at the oddest times; while we sleep or mow our lawn. Progress is sneaky.

First, it’s a few new buildings downtown, then a slick freeway cutting through quiet neighborhoods, and maybe a landmark building demolished to make way for a new hospital. Then, out of nowhere, a train full of people from the West or the East is arriving, and the pilgrims try to make it “not so Texas.” It’s a gradual thing, and most of us are too occupied or young to notice until it bites us in the rear.

My grandfather was old-school Fort Worth from the late 1800s, a cow-puncher who rode the cattle drives and sang cowboy songs to the little doggies. He loved his city to a fault. The word “Dallas” was not to be spoken in his home or his presence. Violaters usually got punched or asked to leave. The old man was a tough Texan and a supporter of Amon Carter, the larger-than-life businessman that put Fort Worth on the map and started the rivalry between the two cities.

In the 1950s, if you asked Fort Worth residents what they thought of Dallas, they would most likely tell you it’s a high-on-the-hog East Coast wanna-be big-shot rich-bitch city. We didn’t sugarcoat it. That rivalry was always in your face and at times vicious. My father was a country musician, and when his band, The Light Crust Doughboys, had to play in Dallas, his extended family heaped misery upon him for weeks.

In October, Dallas has the “State Fair of Texas,” and Fort Worth has the “Fat Stock Show” in February. I didn’t attend the State Fair until I was ten years old, and even then, it was in disguise, after dark, to the fair and back home, hoping no one in our neighborhood noticed we had crossed enemy lines. Unfortunately, I let my secret visit slip around my buddies, and they banned me from playing Cowboys and Indians for a week. Even us kids were tough on each other.

Three things got us kids excited: Christmastime in downtown Fort Worth, Toyland at Leonard Brothers Department Store, and The Fat Stock Show. But, unfortunately for us, the rest of the year was uneventful and boring. Summer was pickup baseball games, old cartoons on television, and blowing up the neighborhood with cherry bombs, our pyrotechnics of choice.

60 years ago, the winters in Texas were colder and more miserable. February was the month we froze our little gimlet butts off, and of course, that is the Stock Show month. Wrapped up in our Roy Rogers flannel pajamas under our jeans, boots, and cowboy hats, we kids made the best of it as we visited the midway, the cattle barns, and animal competitions. The rodeo was for the real cowboys, and it was too expensive; the free ticket from our grade school only went so far. We were kids and had not a penny to our name. It wasn’t the flashy affair that Dallas put on, but it was ours, and we loved it. I still have a round metal pin I got at the Stock Show, a lovely picture of Aunt Jemimah promoting her flour, something that would get me canceled, or worse, in today’s clown world. I’ve often thought of wearing it to my local H.E.B. grocery store to see the reaction. Maybe not.

For those of us who were born and grew up there, Fort Worth, Texas, is where the west begins, and Dallas is where the East peters out. Nothing has changed.

Dispatches From The Cactus Patch, 8.14.25


Blue Jeans, And Chromosomes, And Boobies…Oh My!

Oh, help us, Sweet Baby Jesus, Taylor Swift is dropping a new album. Now, she believes she is a Las Vegas Showgirl instead of a tortured poet like poor Sylvia Plath, who met a tragic end. Makes one wonder if the swift one knew about her demise? More cartoon music for the young girl masses that follow her blindly into the abyss of pop-less music. One day, they will awaken and grow up to be mothers and productive citizens, just maybe. I guess it’s better than standing atop someone’s Tesla and twerking their asses to the public.

The former first son and all-around good American criminal fellow says the first lady met her husband through Jeffrey Epstein. She calls it a lie and slander, demanding a public apology; otherwise, she will sue the Hunted one into oblivion for a billion bucks. The petulant former boy wonder artist and meth aficionado says F…that and is refusing to apologize. I don’t think Daddy-o will be able to save him this one last time. The Trumps have more money than Bubba Gump, and he has zero. Dr. Jill needs to drug test her boy. What a moronic man.

I am a cancer survivor, so the latest news from the Cowboys camp bothers me. After fifteen years, Smiley Jones, their Arkansas hillbilly owner, comes out with news that he beat cancer via experimental drugs. Why wait so long to tell the world? Let me guess, the Cowboys got their butt’s handed to them in pre-season, the team’s star players are threatening to move on for more money, they haven’t been within sniffing distance of a Super Bowl trophy in 30 years, and Jones is playing the “pity” card on his fans, who are deserting in mass. Poor Jerry, poor Cowboys, show me some love and keep buying those high-priced tickets, absurdly priced memorabilia, and $ 15.00 beers at his giant stadium that needs curtains to block the sun to keep the teams and the fans from melting. I know, I’ve been to many a game there, and my son, unfortunately, owns two seats that he can’t unload.

Thanks to a young actress, Sydney Sweeney, white girls are back! I’m talking really back. Sororities are going crazy, girls are buying American Eagle jeans again. All American blonde, brunette, and redheaded young women are once again strolling the streets, driving their cars to the mall, going to the beach, attending public functions, and making a spectacle of themselves in public—all thanks to a cute little gal with ginormous boobs and an All American girl spirit.

Putin and Zelensky, who’s going to win? Who you gonna call? Not Ghostbusters, but The President, and he should enlist Dana White to host a pay-per-view event at Madison Square Garden, pitting Putin against Zelensky in a UFC-style cage fight. Whoever wins will get the land, either Ukraine, Russia, or both. My money is on Zelensky. He’s younger, and there are reports that Pooty-Poot wears a Depends.

Prophecy Or A Coincidence? Is That A Molotov Cocktail In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?


Is the world living out Biblical Prophecy, or is God testing us to see how far mankind will go to reach the end? Why would he not? He’s done it before with many empires: Roman, Greek, Mayan, Inca, and Persian. All the answers to the questions and scenarios were written thousands of years ago. Still, the main lesson woven throughout the Bible is that the land of Israel and the Jewish people are protected by God, with no exceptions. Flip the historical religious stone, and the Islamic religion and its followers’ rabid devotion to a tribalistic and often cruel deity are told to eradicate the Jewish people, with no exclusions. If the infidels, meaning Christians, stand in the way, then we are also to be taken out as part of the crusade. Twelfth-century manipulated, warped religious ideology combined with modern weapons of destruction presents a real danger to this world.

Closer to home, our United States mainland is facing a different danger. Our universities have been radicalized by left-wing socialist faculty and administrators, resulting in a curriculum that is more anti-American, socialist driven ideology than education. The most dangerous product coming out of our educational systems is the young, white, college-indoctrinated, feminist female who stands for nothing in particular but willingly and blindly embraces any radical cause. Please pay attention to the news reels of the violent protest, and what do you notice, most of the violence is coming from these women, and their man-bun, skinny jean-wearing, masked male tag-alongs. Will this be the next generation of mothers? I hope not, but it doesn’t look good.

Is the Chupacabra Back? Colorado Springs Residents Report Sighting


Dire news for the good citizens of Colorado Springs: the elusive and dangerous Chupacabra has returned. A local resident, Miss Sunshine, a retired mid-wife and medicine woman, spotted the semi-mythical creature sitting in the road in front of her home, and than later that night she found it feasting on feral cat food on her deck. She described it as a mangy muscled brown hot mess about the size of a large dog. The critter had glowing eyes that seared into her brain, a long pink snout, and illuminated toxic drool dripped from it’s mouth as it chomped down on a bowl of Little Friskies Feral Cat Feast.

Local NPR field reporter Maya Sharona asked her a few questions about her unnerving encounter with the Chupa.

MS: Miss Sunshine, what makes you think this was the mythical Chupacabra?

Sunshine: At first I thought it was the dog down the road, old John Boy, but the closer I got, it was clear to me that this was a Chupa. I drove around the thing and it started chasing me, sort of like those dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, chasing that jeep. I floored my Prius and made into my garage and into the house, that’s when I called the sheriffs office to report it. Officer Fife and Chief Andy came out, but the thing was gone by then. Later that night it showed up on my deck and was eating the Friskies I put out for the herd of feral cats that live in the woods behind my house. I worry about them kitties because Sasquatch lives out there too and I hear he is fond of Cat meat. I took a good picture with my iPhone.

When Petulance Replaces Decorum And Respect


Momo and I are getting on in age these days. I am 75 and she is 70ish, so we’ve done and seen a few things along the way. So, being as socially aware and self-educated as we are, it was a shock to our overly medicated systems to see the entire Democratic coterie of POD people stuck to their chairs during the Presidents address to Congress last night. Marjorie Taylor Green must have applied super glue to their leather chairs before their entrance, she did look a bit guilty.

The mother of the 12 year-old girl killed by illegals, the young brain cancer survivor being made an officer of the Secret Service, the young man being accepted to West Point and a few others. We were sobbing like a baby that lost it’s bippy. You have got to be a purely evil glob of flesh to not react to human kindness and respect. It’s not a political thing, it’s a human thing, a Christian thing. The camera kept showing closeups of Nancy Pelosi as if she might react to something. Momo is an RN and she thought the old hag had an IV going just to keep her breathing and alive. And then the idiot from Texas, Representative Green, shaking his walking stick and shouting the President down, like he was back in Austin attending an HOA meeting. Speaker Johnson had him hauled off the floor by the Sargent At Arms. That hasn’t happened in modern politics, a first for the news media to cover. I bet old Lester Holt will be jumping all over this one tonight. Get the popcorn and Dr Pepper’s ready folks, it’s going to be a fun four years.

AI Is Up Everyones A_ _!


Greetings From Beijing.

China got us again. First, it was the China Virus. Now, it’s a spiffy little AI program. This tech wonderment was developed in a few hours with barely enough chips to run a flip-top phone. The nervous boys at the stock market panic, that’s what they do best. They start selling tech stocks and ruining millions of folks. Has anyone in our government checked to see if this CCP program works? I doubt it. We can be assured that the technology was handed over to China for a few million. Maybe it was passed in a brown envelope delivered by a devious first son. Or perhaps someone hacked it from a secure computer while the tech was napping in their safe room. It doesn’t much matter now: they got us good this time. We need Denzel Washington or Sylvester Stallone to take names and kick ass.

Is this the newest Sputnik moment?

“Surprise…you greedy capitalist dogs. We couldn’t finish you with our little viral bug, but this should do the trick. Check your fortune cookie for lottery numbers.”

Dreams of Europe: A Haunting War Reflection


Last night, I dreamed of Europe, teetering on the brink of war, reminiscent of those haunting days of the 1940s. It was not a nightmare but rather a sepia-toned memory, grainy like an old newsreel flickering in a rundown theater, the air thick with the scent of buttered popcorn and sticky sodas clinging to the soles of my worn Tom McCann wingtips. Beside me, my wife, Momo, sat elegantly in her gabardine dress, her silk scarf accentuating her perfect neck. A picture of quiet strength amidst the storm brewing outside. Somehow, as if a magical spell, we knew of war, maybe because our fathers had participated, not reluctantly like some, but dutiful, knowing their presence would make a difference in the outcome.

We found ourselves seated amid a crowd, the air thick with the scent of Old Spice, a memory of times past. Momo leaned forward; her senses caught Chanel No. 5 drifting languidly alongside us while cigarette smoke curled upwards, smothering the flickering images that danced on the screen. An army advanced in unyielding formation, each soldier a cog in an unfeeling machine ready to unleash mayhem upon a peaceful country. A lone figure stood poised for inspection; within his eyes, a cold emptiness lingered, reminiscent of a predator—those soulless eyes of a waiting shark. At first, I thought he might be Hitler, a returned demon from the depths of Hell. I was wrong. A Russian, short in stature, long on evil, intent on destruction. The shark now has legs and walks among us. I awakened, sweating and gasping. Momo sleeping peacefully, unaware of the dream we shared. We left without seeing the movie.

Knock Knock..Who’s There?


Think back to the old Saturday Night Live of the 70s, when there was a knock at the apartment door, and the voice in the hallway said pizza delivery; Gilda Radner opened the door, and the Land Shark got her. This new gotcha technology is getting scary, and I don’t mean the AI stuff. Israel killing that Iranian terrorist as he sat in his Barcolounger watching Lassie re-runs has to be a new form of brilliance. The little drone flew through an open patio door. The bad guy, Sinwar, saw the little fellow and threw a flip-flop at the drone. All that did was piss the drone off so it discharged his payload and blew the building up, bad guy was also blown up. Some young Israeli who grew up playing video games on his Xbox took out the terrorist flavor of the month while sitting at his desk eating a sandwich with a frosty Coke. With this technology, they can fly around neighborhoods, shopping centers, and food courts, find the bad guy and zap him. I am impressed.