Tag: ozempic

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Ask A Texan: Ozempic Is A Pain In The Butt


Real Good Advice For Folks That Don’t Have Any Brain Cells left….

The Texan

This Texan received a request for help written on the back of a Walmart bag, the new ones made from paper. Mr. Weemus Weesley of Sore Rabbit Foot, South Dakota, says his wife is abusing Ozempic in the worst way possible.

Mr. Weesley: Mr. Texan, there ain’t nobody in our town that knows nothing about nothing. My wife, Luella, is a bit overweight. Well, some folks say she just has big bones, but she is honestly just a bit overweight, as are most women her age during menopause. Most of the weight is in her buttocks. I had to butter up the door jambs to the bathroom just so she could get in there for a shower. Her Doctor gave her a script for this new weight loss stuff, Ozempic, but she is deathly afraid of needles and passes out after I give her the first jab.

Some influencer on social media said she could inject this stuff into a blueberry and put it up her behind like a suppository. So she tried it. It was working for a while, and she wasn’t eating two gallons of Blue Bunny ice cream a day, but then she stopped losing weight everywhere except in her buttocks and her hands and her feet, and now the rest of her is still a bit heavy, but her ass, feet, and hands are the size of a little kid’s. She’s going through two or three pounds of Blueberries a week, and now I don’t have any to put in my yogurt, and she has this little gimlet ass, hands, and feet about the size of our six-year-old granddaughters, who refuses to come visit because Luella looks like some weird alien from those 1950s scary shows. She’s so freaky looking, I can’t even take her to Walmart at midnight when no one is there except folks in their jammies. Any ideas on this one?

The Texan: Well, Mr. Weesley, I’m almost out of words on this one. I’ve seen the pictures of the Hollywood crowd, and they all look like “The Night of the Living Dead,” staggering around with folks helping them to walk. This might be a good movie for her to watch. I believe it’s on Amazon. Take those Ozempic pens and squish all the juice out, then fill them with liquid Miralax, and change her ice cream to Bluebell. She might still be a bit overweight, but she’ll be regular and happy. This is just a phase these women are going through. Oprah will look like her old, chubby self once she stops the Ozempic. I’m sending you a case of liquid Miralax and some cherry bombs just to cheer you up.

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That’s All I Can Stands, ‘Cause I Can’t Stands No More.


A classic quote from an old sailor that fits my frame of mind lately. Tell me your thoughts; you can send the “Oh no, the elves went too far” emails and comments after you hear me out.

The Devil Worshiping-Narssisistic-Scum Bagging-God Hating- Ozempic Shooting Grammy Awards

Not shown for shock value..nothing shocks us these days

I didn’t watch them this year and haven’t in many. But, the articles on the websites cover the schmooze-fest quite well. The show, according to Rex Reed (I didn’t know he was still around) may have reached a new low. From the pictures on the net, most of the folks attending looked like characters from the Star Wars Bar. Swifter Girl is enough to keep many of us away, as well as all the gangster Devil-worshiping rappers carrying a 9 MM or a Uzi in their tux pockets. One poor girl actually performed a Satan Worship routine while singing about vampires sucking her blood, which at the appropriate time, she cut a vein and rubbed her own joy-juice all over her wokie body; ( it may have been Hawaiian Punch concentrate). I watched that video on YouTube and found it disgusting. The crowd loved it, stood up, and clapped, and Taylor Swifter danced and clapped. Okra Winfrey was filmed jamming it to the devil’s song while giving herself a shot of Ozempic. So, I guess digging out on that Devil’s music cancels Tay-Tay’s best-selling ” Study Bible,” which is being smuggled into the children’s section of our public libraries and on display in your neighborhood Wokie bookstores. A frail Joni Mitchell may have been the high spot of the broadcast. In her 80s and not too mobile, she sang one of her biggest “back in the day” hits. Bless Brandi Carlise for her friendship. Joni did an admirable job singing and just getting through the performance. I watched, with one eye covered, Miley Cyrus’s performance on YouTube. Good Lord, what a demonic little moron. Hopping around on stage, 95 percent naked, she sounds like Cher when she sings and like an 85-year-old whiskey-soaked five-pack-a-day smoker when she speaks. Pretty sure she’s shooting up the Ozempic, too. The music industry has gone to Hell in a Beelzebob Ozempic-loaded handbasket.

The Crisis At The River -Everyone Gets Baptized

I don’t have much left to say when it comes to the invasion on the border. I’m worn out and burned out. The Crazy Texas Wire Dealer is doing all he can, as are the Texas National Guard and The Texas Rangers. One man of the cloth, and I’m not sure which cloth he wears, or even if he is an ordained preacher, well, at least he had the TV preacher hair, said, “All those poor unfortunate sinners swimming in the river, it’s as if the good Lord is baptizing them before they reach the Texas shore.” That pretty much sums it up, folks.