Posted on by Phil Strawn

5.12.24 Dispatches From The Cactus Patch


Say It Ain’t So Willie…

Now, I know that the world is off its axis: Willie Nelson is moving his famous 4th of July Picnic from Texas to somewhere in the Northeast to beat the heat. Look, Willie, the brutal life ending heat, Lone Star longnecks beer, no restroom facilities, drugged crazed hippies and cowboys are what your picnic is about. If Waylon was here, he would kick your scrawny old butt for even considering a relocation to of all places…Yankee land. Kris is still around, so he might just step in and do it. I attended one of his picnics back in the late 70s at Palo Duro Canyon and damn near expired from the hellish heat, no water and very little food. I survived by crawling under a car for shade, which at that point, it didn’t matter, my skin was roasted, and my dark hair bleached white. Around dark, ole Willie steps up to the mic and belts out Whisky River. Trigger, his beat-up Martin guitar was out of tune, his singing was off meter and he was likely higher than a California Redwood, but it was Willie, our Patron Saint of Texas Country Music. We sat transfixed on the hard dirt and rock, fire ants chewing on our legs, Rattle Snakes crawling about begging for a beer, and hundreds of poor passed out folks missing the show they came for. Please, Willie, keep it in Texas. I have confirmation from a good and mostly reliable source that your Saint Hood is imminent. This might screw it up.

Jewish Students Revolt Against Federal Protected Students

There is now a movement on most of the elite university campuses to oust and delete the fake Palestinian protesters. Two groups calling themselves “Jews For Jesus” and “Frat Boys Revenge” are now in place at most of the major universities. Maya Sharona, field correspondent for NPR interviewed a protestor at MIT.

MS: Excuse me, are you a woman or a man, It’s hard to tell with all the scarfs wrapped around your head?

Student: I am neither of those words, call me a new servant of Allah, willing to die for whatever Allah and that woman with the megaphone tells me too. Please film my left side, that’s my best profile. Should I show my molitove cocktail for the camera?

MS: Sorry, there is no camera, this is radio. What exactly are you protesting?

Student: I am not really sure, wait a moment, I must check TikTok and Facebook, all of our information and instructions comes from them. Ahh yes, here we are, (screaming)” Death to Israel, Death to all Jews, and Death to America” we demand Starbucks Latte’s and vegan pizzas, student loan forgiveness, and a free diploma in the curriculum of our choice. That’s a bummer about the no camera, got all dressed up for nothing.

MS: There is a group of frat boys over there by that police car. They look menacing and most of them are twice the size of your comrades. I believe they may be about to kick your butts.

Student: Allah and Papa Biden will protect us, we are the chosen people of Palestine, or maybe it’s Gaza, or Syria. It doesn’t matter, we are protected by the Federal Government, like the tiny fish and the lady-boys with fake boobies.

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13 Replies to “5.12.24 Dispatches From The Cactus Patch”

    1. Willie’s about 91 and is probably realizing heat strokes are a real thing. I was at Dripping Springs when the Farm Aid shindig became a reality. It was hot, but we all were young then, right? At that age, we took a risk with the heat at plenty of outdoor concerts. These days, I’m done.

      But, can I have your P & L recordings…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Momo and me thought about going to his last show in Austin, but figured we looked to conservative, even with long hair, and the odds of us getting out alive were pretty slim. I just played his Red Headed Stranger, instead. You can have my P&L CD.

        Liked by 2 people

  4. Oh come on Willie…that is crazy…it has to be in Texas! I read something a while back about Lynyrd Skynyrd playing at his picnic in 1977 and they flew with Waylon…and they were scared to death of Waylon’s body guards…which were The Hells Angels.

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  5. Well, I love Willie. I saw him at the Chatauqua Festival in Northern Wisconsin. (I’m from MI)–Apostle Islands area on Lake Superior. Lovely. He might as well have mailed it in. Of course, he got boo’d early for saying some libertarian type thing and that was it. It was cool just to see him, but I was really disappointed. He never talked at all. No encores. Maybe he thought it was beneath him, too. Neat tent venue.

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    1. He never talks much anyway. That’s just him, he’s just naturally shy. Even one one-on-one. Just a nice, quiet, humble guy.

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      1. I’ve seen him a few times, years back, and he’s not one for stage banter, only music. I have a couple of good Willie stories about to publish about when he and my father were good friends back in the 1950s Fort Worth hillbilly music days. Willie lived with us for a while in those old days, until my mother said either Willie goes or they both go. She was a little on the mean side back then. But then, she was married to a musician that played beer joints on Jacksboro Highway until 2 AM. Imagine that.

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      2. Well that could be possible, but he didn’t seem into it, didn’t play long and no encore. I didn’t totally blame him after they boo’d him. Why talk after that, I guess? So it wasn’t all his fault.

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