Posted on by Phil Strawn

Ask A Texan 4.29.25


Pretty Good And Sometimes Worthless Advice For Folks That Don’t Live In Texas But Wish They Did Because Everything is Bigger and Better In Texas

The Texan and Notes From The Cactus Patch will be offline starting tomorrow, April 30, 2025. Here’s the reason why:

I was pulling up some dead plants and pesky weeds in my landscape, and I reached over a little too far and jerked on a pesky dead plant. I heard a “pop” and felt the rotatory cuff muscle and bicep detach from my shoulder. And, of course, it’s my good arm, the one I use for playing the guitar, painting, writing, shaving, brushing my teeth, and holding my whiskey tumbler. I wouldn’t be so upset if it was my left shoulder. Dr. Pepper, my young surgeon, says he will fix me up, and I’ll be able to use my arm after eight weeks in a special sling. He explained he would be using a small Robot controlled by his Atari game controller, so no humans would be touching me. I’m concerned that the small Robot might make a mistake and go rogue. The little fella looks a lot like R2D2. Dr. Pepper says no worries. The robot will be scrubbed in, and a mask and surgical gloves will be on his little mechanical hands. They had him worked on last week to fix the glitches. I asked what the glitches were? It seems the Robot had malware in his little chipped brain and removed a lady’s liver instead of her gall bladder. That made me feel really warm and fuzzy.

The little Davinci Robot

I had a similar experience when I had cancer. The surgeon needed samples of my poor prostate gland, so he used a robot called “Davinci.” It was larger than this R2D2 and wore a purple cape and a matching Italian Beret. The little fellow got his samples, took one, and put it in an Italian cut-glass jar. It’s sitting on my coffee table.

I’ll be back writing and giving worthless advice soon. God Bless Texas, The Alamo, and Davy Crockett.

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19 Replies to “Ask A Texan 4.29.25”

      1. The “10, 2, 4” on Dr. Pepper bottles refers to a marketing campaign that encouraged people to drink Dr. Pepper at those times of day. This was based on a 1920’s study suggesting that blood sugar dips around 10:30 a.m., 2:30 p.m., and 4:30 p.m., and that a drink like Dr. Pepper could help combat this.

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  3. While I “liked” this post for its humor, I hate it that you have to undergo that painful shoulder surgery. That little robot did my shoulder back in ‘12, ( 2012, not 1912). Of course I felt nothing during the procedure, but the next day had me chewing Vicodin like candy. But the real fun part came during rehab. Wait ‘til they try to teach you to put on a t-shirt without moving that arm. My happiest memory was the day three months later that my therapist told me to go to the driving range and hit some golf balls. Sadly, my swing was as ugly as ever.
    Don’t know what I’m going to do for my humor fix during your absence. What brand of bourbon do you suggest?

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    1. I like a new brand called “Redneck Riviera” and a Texas bourbon called 1835, which I assume has something to do with the Alamo. I heard that Bowie and Crockett hit the bourbon pretty hard. I’m dreading the months of rehab, not so much the surgery itself, I’ll be knocked out. I’ll get back to tapping on my laptop as soon as the arm allows. I had to quit golf a few years back because my old back is full of hardware, gave my clubs to youngest grandson who is a golfer. Thanks for a great reply.

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  8. Sorry to read about the Pop and Dr. Pepper, Phil. I’m a little late seeing this but hope everything went well for you and you are recovering with lots of ice cream. Looking forward to when you come back!

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