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Archive for the tag “Nancy Pelosi”

“WTH? The Olympics and More”


As if today could get any worse. It’s 101 degrees and expected to stay that way for the next week. There isn’t enough water to save my veggie garden, and my landscape plants are begging me to put them out of their misery. The birds at the feeder are lethargic and barely peck at their seeds. It’s summertime in Texas, ya’ll. We don’t need a stinking grill, just lay that meat on the concrete patio and walk away for a few minutes. Chef Ramsey would dig it.

Simone Biles exited the Olympic competition because of a mental issue? Well, what do we expect when the weight of the entire American team is on her 24-year-old shoulders, and she supports her whole extended family, that happens to live pretty damn well. Her coach should have seen this coming. Let us hope she finds some relief or inner peace. If she was a quitter, it would have happened years before this.

” Aw…come on man” Biden bitch slapped one of his most famous defensive line- women, news lady Kelly O’Donnel, and she is pissed. He called her a “pain in the neck” because she actually had a brain fart and asked an honest question that wasn’t scripted and expected a logical answer.

Peppermint Pattie got through another presser without answering any questions. Maybe the Fox news guy should dress in a Charlie Brown costume. Who knows, it might work?

Ben and Jerry, those two famous 60s radical Birkenstock wearing-granola munching anti-semite ice-cream guys are pulling their products from Isreal. Makes sense to me, it probably doesn’t sell anyway. Isreal could do with a shipment of good old Texas Bluebell ice cream. Instead, B & J are giving the peaceful folks in Palestine their own ice cream flavor. “Yasser Ara-No Fat,” chunky vanilla.

Famous Democrat Crazy woman Barbara Boxer got mugged and robbed while sight-seeing in Oakland, California. Well, what the hell was she doing in Oakland? Buying crack?

Nancy Pelosi, “the old bag of bones” with a wood hammer, put together a commission to look into the January 6th invasion of the Capitol. It includes two Repub’s that she can trust to not ask any real questions. Maybe she will tell us who killed Ashlee Babbit and why the capitol police invite and give guided tours to the insurgents? You would think it was an invasion on the scale of D Day. Ken Burns needs to set her straight.

So who designed the Olympic skateboard course? It’s too small, too tight, and gives the home skaters the advantage since they have practiced on the course for a year. The only thing missing was those stupid Pokemon characters cheering the Japanese on to victory. The U.S. got a medal, but they could have used some of those grungy little Z Boys from Dogtown on the team.

Stay cool; it’s summertime, ya’ll.

President Trump Issues Final Last Wish While Dining at McDonald’s


Washington DC. Friday, October 9, 2020 – The Dead South News Service, Reported by Phil Strawn. Photographs by the late Ansel Adams.

Keeping with the newest protocol in Washington and the requirements of the President. POTUS Trump, via Twitter, announced Friday morning that he is issuing his “Final Last Wish” just in case he relapses with the Corona 19 Virus. The Secret Service tweeted that the President, during his weekly visit to McDonald’s, sent the tweet in between bites of a Double Meat Big Mac. Speaker of The House, Nancy Pelosi, not to be ignored, texted from her weekly hair salon appointment, stating that she will be issuing her “Final Last Wish” later today, making it number two in the rotation. Her tweet was accompanied by a selfie of her eating a Ben and Jerry’s ice cream sandwich while sitting under a hairdryer.

Nancy Pelosi on a recent visit to Oz

President Trump tweeted to Speaker Pelosi that she needs not to waste her time since his tremendous and wonderful wish will trump hers. He jokingly remarked that he heard from a little birdie, her squad of “Flying Monkeys” walked off the job because they haven’t been paid since May. The President reassured Speaker Pelosi that the White House will be doing “everything in our power” to ensure her final wish is granted as soon as possible.

Joe Biden and Kamala Harris tweeted that they will also issue their “Final Last Wish” after being elected. AOC tweeted, ” Hey, what about mine?”

“Fancy Nancy”


San Francisco CA – The Dead South News Service

Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream announced today that they will be partnering with Speaker Of The House Nancy Pelosi to produce a line of outrageously priced Boutique Ice Cream Freezers. The units, called “Nancy’s Fancy” will be sold in select markets on the West and East coast. Target cities of San Francisco, Los Angeles, Portland, Seattle, New York, Philadelphia, Boston and Washington DC will be the main markets because they are considered leftist socialist strongholds. The South and Midwest will not be considered for obvious reasons.

The freezers, produced in Communist China by the Wu-Han Appliance Cooperative and Viral Laboratory will feature all stainless steel construction and state of the art electronics. Each unit will be assembled by young children in a guarded factory compound, and will come equipped with a 20 inch LED touch screen TV that will play Ms. Pelosi’s latest mumblings and accusations when the door’s are opened.

To ensure the product launch is a success, Ben and Jerry’s will offer a full year worth of their “ice-cream of the month” delivered by “Amazon Drone Force” to your front porch or somewhere in your general vicinity every week.

When asked if the profits and some of the product from the venture will be donated to the homeless population in her district, Ms. Pelosi said, ” Hell no! that’s my money. What would a vagrant do with money, or ice-cream.”

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