More WTH News From The Cactus Patch

I have since given up smoking in my last portrait and had an ear reduction.

I can’t bring myself to watch our faux president give a speech. So, I didn’t. Instead, I watched the 4th episode of 1883. But I did catch bits of it on Youtube after the fact, and even then, I cringed and felt a tad oily. I realized that I, at 72 years old, am a domestic terrorist, right up there with the Antifa, BLM, and those crazy boys, the Taliban.

According to that pod person in the white house and Pelosi, I meet all the criteria; a Christian..yep, a gun owner..yep, a white man..yep ( although I am mostly Cherokee American Indian), an American patriot..yep, so I am a terrorist, and also a white supremacist, and a racist. I had no idea I was so damn evil. So it’s better to know now before I pass on.

I vowed after January 1st, I would limit my exposure to such political theater and nonsense in an attempt to lower my blood pressure and perhaps live a bit longer on this planet, which is doomed because most of Europe and about one half of the United States thinks a 16-year-old Swedish screaming savant is an expert on all things weather, climate change and the second coming of Baby Jesus. Sweden gave us ABBA, most of the folks in Minnesota, and Swedish Meatballs, and that’s about it. I’m really sorry that the cow flatulence from Texas ruined the ozone layer above Sweden and robbed her of her childhood.

If Jesus is coming down to kick our sinful butt’s, the ass whooping will likely start in Washington DC and then move on to the west coast, leaving most of America’s heartland alone, except for maybe Austin.

My late father’s late uncle, Harvey, was Biden’s doppelganger of a sort; although he more resembled Ernie Kovaks than Biden, He had the same temperament. I remember him as a demented screaming hot-mess in his twenties, and he lived to be eighty-five or so, perfecting his behavior into an act that the family immensely enjoyed during get-togethers on holidays. Hours of yelling and ranting about nothing, in particular, gave us children an excellent performance, which we much preferred to afternoon cartoons. He did take a piss in the gas floor heater one Christmas during our holiday luncheon, which cleared the house for a few hours, and he tried to roast his cat on a charcoal grill. Still, other than those few incidents, he was everyone’s favorite crazy uncle living in the basement. Today, with the proper handlers, he could have been president.

Uncle Harvey, during one of his classic dementia, inspired performances

Poor Ronnie Spector, she passed away “being no one’s baby.” Maybe she’ll send a selfie taken with Clarence, the angel, to Phil Spector, who is most likely roasting in Hell.

Betty White won the contest. She lived to 99 and was a few days short of 100. She outlived everyone she ever worked with or knew. Bad assed gal. Maybe she and Paul Lynde can get an act going and headline at “Sonny’s” Bar and Grill, located right off the main paved in gold highway next door to “Angels Wing Cleaning Service.”

After further and exhausting genealogy research, I found that I may indeed be related to Will Rogers, Chief Quanah Parker, Belle Star, and Butch Cassidy, but not the Sundance Kid. A decade ago, a fellow with the Sons Of The Alamo lodge, a dedicated member of whom did a run on our family tree, and these folks showed up. Queen Elizabeth is in there somewhere on down the tree and Odin the Viking king. I mentioned my family tree to my buddy Mooch, and he said, ” I got ya beat Lil’ buddy. I’m related to Golda Mier, Goldy Hawn, Old Yeller, Golden Earing, Wyatt Erp, King Faruk, Annie Oakley, The Hulk and Batman.” So yeah, I guess he does have one up on me.

3 Replies to “More WTH News From The Cactus Patch”

  1. I prefer WTF but, WTH works, too.

    O’Biteme is not even at the level of pod person. He’s closer to Jeff Dunham’s Walter (and Jeff has videos of him, too). On that note, I’ve seen a picture where Fraudci looks much like Bubba J these days. Anyway, instead of Dunham’s hand up O’Biteme’s butt, it’s O’Dammit’s hand.

    Don’t feel singled out. Anyone that dare challenge the DC swamp is a domestic terrorist.

    The screaming 16 year old Swede would do well to read That being said, what did said savant share about Jesus (this ought to be good)?

    I don’t think it is cow farts damaging the ozone layer. That has been left to the chemtrailing.

    OH. A “barking mad” Ernie Kovacs look-a-like? Nice. A Kovacs version of Howard Beale? Why roast a poor cat?

    Betty White…Paul Lynde…god, I miss Hollywood Squares.

    I have some Cherokee blood, too. Considering our country, I suspect many, many folks have NA blood. I’m in NC and we are full with Cherokee, Lumbee & Occaneechi Saponi. On the flip side, we also have a lot of Scottish, too. My significant other, Ken, has NA blood thru his mother & grandmother…whatever tribe that was in Missouri.

    Speaking of Paul Lynde…taking your mind off all the political bullshit theatre, have you seen this trainwreck:

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: