Notes From The Cactus Patch

Tall Tales and Ripping Yarns from Texas

Archive for the tag “Joe Biden”

“The Agony and The Ecstasy”


The Vatican released a statement this morning stating that a family descendant of the great Italian artist, Michelangelo, will paint the ceiling of the United States Capitol building with a holy likeness of President Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.

Luigi Boyer D’, business manager for the pop artist “Leonardo Di’ Caprio Buonqroti Simoni,” a direct descendant of Michelangelo, said that the Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi commissioned the original painting shown above, and the fresco that will cover most of the ceiling in the Capitol. The cost of the commission is unavailable.

The fresco will depict Vice President Kamala Harris as a queen or possible old world religious figure holding an anointed baby Joe Biden.

The Pope is highly irritated with the Speaker because of the visitors and money it will take away from the Sistine Chapel.

Biden Wins Nobel Peace Prize!


Breaking News from The Dead South News Service, Figaro Scaramooche reporting.

The Nobel Prize committee says this morning that President Joe Biden will receive the Nobel Peace Prize for 2021, even though he has been in office for one day and has accomplished nothing constructive. The committee did indicate that ” canceling every good thing that former President Trump accomplished and ruining America for eternity” counts as a logical reason to receive their distinguished award.

Hajkevek Neadervon, the spokesman for the committee, said that President Biden has asked that the 1,000,000 dollar prize be deposited into the Biden family account at the “Bank of The Happy Bat” in Wuhan, China.

President Trump Issues Final Last Wish While Dining at McDonald’s


Washington DC. Friday, October 9, 2020 – The Dead South News Service, Reported by Phil Strawn. Photographs by the late Ansel Adams.

Keeping with the newest protocol in Washington and the requirements of the President. POTUS Trump, via Twitter, announced Friday morning that he is issuing his “Final Last Wish” just in case he relapses with the Corona 19 Virus. The Secret Service tweeted that the President, during his weekly visit to McDonald’s, sent the tweet in between bites of a Double Meat Big Mac. Speaker of The House, Nancy Pelosi, not to be ignored, texted from her weekly hair salon appointment, stating that she will be issuing her “Final Last Wish” later today, making it number two in the rotation. Her tweet was accompanied by a selfie of her eating a Ben and Jerry’s ice cream sandwich while sitting under a hairdryer.

Nancy Pelosi on a recent visit to Oz

President Trump tweeted to Speaker Pelosi that she needs not to waste her time since his tremendous and wonderful wish will trump hers. He jokingly remarked that he heard from a little birdie, her squad of “Flying Monkeys” walked off the job because they haven’t been paid since May. The President reassured Speaker Pelosi that the White House will be doing “everything in our power” to ensure her final wish is granted as soon as possible.

Joe Biden and Kamala Harris tweeted that they will also issue their “Final Last Wish” after being elected. AOC tweeted, ” Hey, what about mine?”

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